Album Review: Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here (1975)

Five tracks, consisting of three normal length songs, and bookended by "Shine on You Crazy Diamond" severed in two, Pink Floyd's often unjustly ignored 1975 album is by far the band's crowning effort. A synth-laden progressive rock masterpiece, it is also a favorite of one half of Pink Floyd themselves. The infinite, synth driven tribute to the late Syd Barrett "Shine on You Crazy Diamond", whilst taking forever to digest, rewards the listener in the end with its pedantically precise aural construction. The anti-music biz "Have a Cigar", oddly the only single released off this album, and voiced not by Waters or Gilmour, but by Roy Harper, is set in the middle and bordered by the synthesized "Welcome to the Machine" on it's left and by the simple, acoustic affair that is "Wish You Were Here" on the right. Forget about "Dark Side of the Moon", which is what you buy mostly to try to be 70's cool, and buy this, one of the finest albums in the history of prog rock. And yes, I myself once asked which one was Pink. A

Album Review: Joe Perry - Have Guitar, Will Travel (2009)

A bland, but not horrible, 'deafen yourself with Philips screwdrivers' kind of album, the latest offering from Aerosmith's Joe Perry can only be described (to the best of my ability) as being marginally interesting, which is a bit like saying your grandma's '86 Corolla is still good for drifting in. And that is, of course, when Joe is on a roll - something that now and then stops me from nodding off, which for the most part is why I try to avoid listening to the album in stifling heat. And I certainly wouldn't drive a car with this album on, unless I had lost the will to live. Hang on, why am I complaining? I got this album for free. And frankly, let's hope it stays that way. Stick to listening to Aerosmith, people, if you want to hear Joe Perry at his finest. C

Album Review: Groove Armada - Black Light (2010)

My first foray into investing in a proper electronic album is both an interesting and disappointing one. Groove Armada's 2010 effort, Black Light, is a step in the right direction musically, in part because of its influential roots in the likes of New Order, David Bowie, and Roxy Music. And I'm happy to say it contains tracks that give me goosebumps, which for me, is the gauge of a good song. After listening to it playing in the music store and subsequently asking who it was, I eventually bought it, albeit at a hefty price of 27 bucks. Which for me nowadays is a lot of money to be spending on music. And alas, much of it was essentially a let down; certainly not crap, just not what I was expecting. Still, I'd much rather listen to this than the drivel produced by the likes of LCD Soundsystem. And if you were to ask me what songs on this album I would recommend, I would most certainly recommend, "Paper Romance", "Cards to your Heart", & "Shameless", featuring the ever-so-cool Bryan Ferry. Which reminds me - wait 'til I get my grubby little paws on Olympia. B+

Album Review: Ozzy Osbourne - Under Cover (2005)

Production wise this album is adequate, and Ozzy with his trademark vocals sounds as good as he always does, however the album's Achilles heel lies in its concept. It just doesn't sound right when Ozzy Osbourne tries to cover the Beatles' "In My Life", or "All The Young Dudes" with the same level of finesse of the originals. And when initially reading the track listing, I could quite easily visualize listening to some potentially great covers - "Rocky Mountain Way" and "Sunshine of Your Love" show some of this potential, but still fail to fully meet expectations, especially so with the former. But the latter is most certainly one of the highlights on this album, and truth be told should've been released as a single rather than the flaccid "Mississippi Queen." Despite the inclusion of several guest musos and it's competent production, this album I'm afraid isn't a strong point of Ozzy's. Low points come from his hero Lennon, "Working Class Hero" and the slightly better "Woman."  B-

Album Review: Bruce Springsteen - The Rising (2002)

My favorite album of the 80s is Born in the U.S.A. by Bruce Springsteen. And why? Because I love nearly every song on the record, and the ones that I don't love I like. There is not one single filler on this album. And until I can find something to top it, an unlikely event at this rate, it will remain my personal favorite. 18 years after its release, The Boss once more proves he's still got the touch with his 2002 effort, The Rising. Coupled with his E-Street band, Bruce demonstrates that getting on doesn't necessary mean getting old. "The Rising" sends the same chill up my spine as "I'm on Fire" did when I was merely four years old, and "Waitin' on a Sunny Day" reminds me of what made "Born to Run" the great song that it was and still is. "Lonesome Day", "Into the Fire" and "Nothing Man" are worthy mentions. The rest are, well, average. But not bad either. My verdict -not on par with the legendary "Born in the U.S.A., but still much better than the rubbish produced by many post-2000 artists. B+

Album Review: Michael Jackson - Invincible (2001)

In the late 70s, Michael Jackson, the child star of the Jackson Five, was once again a star in the making, and this time it was on his own terms; in the 80s he was by far the world's biggest and most popular pop star, putting out top-selling albums such as Thriller and Bad, and becoming a household name and a familiar face to young, aspiring pop music fans everywhere (including me). However, in the 90s his star began to fade and an ill-deserved reputation of being a child molester would, until his death tarnish his public image badly. In 2001, he released his final, proper studio album in six years, called Invincible. Never to be the best-seller that Thriller was, and after listening to the album a dozen times and putting aside my bias toward modern music in most of its forms, the album most certainly has its charms and that perfectionist aura characteristic of most MJ albums. It is well made, it sounds good, and most importantly, it still sounds like Michael. Tracks like "Heartbreaker", "Heaven can Wait", "Threatened" and "You Rock my World" all do it for me, and are worth playing at least ten times each. As for the rest of the album, I wouldn't regard them as being fillers - some of them are good enough for relaxation purposes, which, all in all I guess, makes for an adequate album. B+

Album Review: Johnny Cash - American III: Solitary Man (2000)

Johnny Cash made fantastically good country music, so good that someone like me who usually can't stomach the stuff thinks it's some of the best music ever made. He had a good voice, he could cover a song, he could even write one when he fancied it. And he was prolific, making many albums, writing many songs and covering dozens more to good effect. And he came out with some of the best Gospel and Christmas music you'll ever hear too. But since no one is perfect, including him, he also came out with some career low points as well, and I'm sad to say that American III: Solitary Man is unfortunately one of them. Not a bad album as such, there is a good sense of competence to this album, and tracks #1, #2 and #4 are great, but the rest of the album is in ways a desert wasteland - flat and desolate, yet just short of completely dull. "Country Trash" is a bold, slightly un-PC high point, and "Mary of the Wild Moor" is just aggravatingly melancholic. The others, such as "The Mercy Seat" and "Would You Lay Me Down (In a Field of Stone)" sound like they are about to hit the climatic gravy stroke, but never quite seem to get there. Sadly, an album of mostly fillers. B

Album Review: Johnny Cash - American IV: The Man Comes Around (2002)

Johnny Cash's final record whilst alive is proof that being past what many may perceive as being your vocal prime doesn't bar you from making a respectable album. And many music lovers, Cash fans and (some) critics all universally agree - American IV: The Man Comes Around is one of his most triumphant efforts. His voice may not be what it once was, and some may have to adapt to its gravelly, slightly depressed texture, but after listening to it from start to finish, I'm certainly pleased with my investment. And yes, Trent Reznor's "Hurt" is on this album, at #2. But don't forget about the rest of the record. "Bridge Over Troubled Water", originally by Simon & Garfunkel, still holds (albeit to a lesser degree) that emotional resonance that the original projected, and "Tear Stained Letter" is a reminder that Johnny can still sound like Johnny, even if, as I've mentioned 10,000 times before, his voice is no longer up to it. "The Man Comes Around" also proves that he can still write a song well. "Personal Jesus", "I Hung My Head" and "Danny Boy" all beg to be listened to. So having said that, go ahead and do so. A

Album Review: Def Leppard - Hysteria (1987)

I'm pretty sure I wrote a review for this particular album before, many eons ago, and I may have either deleted it or a system boo-boo may have wiped it from existence. Who knows. Anyhow, let's get down to the reviewing.

Few heavy metal bands turn their back on the genre and continue to exist as a band, let alone record as one. The ones that do quickly become marked men, given the genre's reputation as a religion of sorts and its fans (fanatics) being akin to pious worshipers with little tolerance for apostasy. And it's not just bands either - some former band members go on to record music that bears little resemblance to that of their former respective groups. Michael Bolton, for example, was a member of a band called Blackjack. Admittedly, they recorded mostly songs with the word love in them, so we can probably disregard them anyhow, just like how most people under 45 disregard Michael Bolton himself.

80s Brit rockers Def Leppard released in 1987 what is arguably their greatest album ever, Hysteria. And it isn't heavy metal at all. More like "arena rock." And it is noted not just for being their magnum opus, but for being the album in which Rick Allen plays drums after losing his arm in an accident. Oh, and of course, the lengthy production time between its release and the release of its predecessor, Pyromania. Most of the songs were released as singles - seven, in fact, and each one has its own charms, even with that distinctive vocal climax we've come to expect (and love) from this band. From "Hysteria", "Animal" and "Armageddon It", the staple airplay promo tracks, to "Love and Affection", "Run Riot" and "Don't Shoot Shotgun", this album has well and truly earned its classic status and should therefore be in the record collection of every respectable hard rock fan. A

Album Review: ZZ Top - Eliminator (1983)

From singing about pearl necklaces to velcro to the best little whorehouse in Texas, there's always something that can be mysteriously (or perhaps not?) attributed to the works of the Texas weird-beards. And going from a largely blues-rock based sound to a synth-infused hard rock one would surely set the odds of a complete flop on ZZ's part somewhat high. But the odds have been defeated with their magnum opus Eliminator, and it's so obvious why. I love this album, primarily as there is not one song I don't like (in fact I love all of them), but also because it opened doors for me. Had I not heard this album or any of its songs, but I probably wouldn't have got past the pansy-ass pop music I so enjoyed delving into. Heck, I probably wouldn't have gotten into heavy metal, and some might argue that is a good thing. Still, with tracks like "Sharp Dressed Man", "Legs", "Gimme All Your Lovin'" and "TV Dinners", you'll wanna put down the Madonna CD and listen to something more suited to your gender. A+

Album Review: Megadeth - Killing is my Business...And Business is Good! (1985)

Breaking your neck couldn't be simpler with the classic debut album by thrash metallers Megadeth, Killing is my Business...and Business is Good! Pure thrash in it's finest form, and unlike Slayer's Reign in Blood, this album isn't written solely for the purpose of inciting people to break stuff in a fit of rage. This album for me, at least, is more for the fun factor. In analysis, the album bears some thematic similarities to Metallica's Kill 'em All, and interestingly, "Mechanix" and "The Four Horsemen" are essentially the same song with alternate lyrics. Of course, this is due to Dave Mustaine's previous stint as lead guitarist for Metallica. In short, "Killing is my Business...and Business is Good", "Rattlehead", and "Last Rites/Loved to Deth" are the songs to look out for. A must-have album for thrash happy bogans. A

Album Review: Slayer - Reign in Blood (1986)

Supposedly devoid of any Satanic overtones and more centered around issues such as religion and genocide, Slayer's 1986 masterpiece Reign in Blood's album cover suggests otherwise. However, it is pretty freaking fast, infectious, and it's small wonder it's held in such high regard by Satan worshiping metalheads and bogans with temperament issues. Muscially, it is brilliant, bar the flat vocals and crude lyrics that spew pure anger and rage rather than any real attempt at constructive lyricism. And it's insanely short too, with its total time being perilously close to that of an E.P. Mind you however, the average song length is roughly two minutes long. In a nutshell, a brilliant album in terms of quality, downright evil in terms of everything else. "Angel of Death", "Postmortem" and "Piece by Piece" are the top three picks of this album. Oh, and "Rain in Blood." And if you think these guys are Satanic, or even Deicide or Rotting Christ for that matter, listen to modern pop music with it's sexual overtones and subliminal messages of promiscuity. As the saying goes, the devil is in the details. A+

Album Review: Stryper - To Hell With the Devil (1986)

Christian heavy metal, you say? Inherently antithetical, you may add? Bah, what tripe. The latter, I mean, of course. OK, 95% of all heavy metal deals with dark subjects, most notably anti-Christian themes, and of course, as bands like Slayer and Venom will testify, Satan worship. But even Christianity has ironically made its mark on this controversial genre, and in the case of Stryper, as an evangelism tool. 1986's To Hell With the Devil is a classic example of such a radical method. It sounds like a convincing metal album too; if the mainstream metal lovers can get hooked on numbers like the title track, "Free" and "Honestly", then they must've been doing something right. The bottom line - not a bad album at all, and FYI, the devil does not look like Mr Tumnus - in fact, he makes whoever is regarded as the 'sexiest' man in the world look like me with no shirt on. Shudder. B+

Album Review: Bee Gees - Still Waters (1997)

Call me slightly ignorant, but Barry Gibb will go down in my music history books as being the best, if not the only artist to have so many songs all sound the same and get away with it. Listen to "Stayin' Alive" and you've also heard "Night Fever", "I Started a Joke", and you've heard "Run to Me", "You Win Again" and you've also heard "One." And, along with his group the Bee Gees, they're also credible proof that you can still win a singing competition after being kicked in the plums. Now admittedly you can call me ignorant, as this is the first proper Bee Gees album that I've listened to, the rest were "greatest hits" compilations. And you may also question my sexual orientation, but I also like it. But why should I care what you think, after all, there is nothing camp about being blown away by Slayer's Reign in Blood. "Alone", "I Will", "Still Waters Run Deep", "Irresistible Force" are the closest thing to tear jerkers you'll find on this album. Oh, and one more thing, this album sounds dated, like it was stuck in the 80s, despite being made in the 90s. And why should I give a rat's proverbial? A

Album Review: The Clash - London Calling (1979)

Rip off an Elvis Presley album cover, take a bunch of English lads playing punk rock and infuse a bit of reggae and what do you get? London Calling by The Clash, that's what. 19 great (and by my own admission, a couple of dull) tracks, and the guilty conscience that occasionally surfaces with a cheapskate mentality subsides for a moment as you glow with a sense of unadulterated satisfaction for buying one of the greatest 10 buck punk albums ever made (second only to the the Ramone's self titled debut, of course). "London Calling", "Brand New Cadillac", "Lost in the Supermarket", "Clampdown" and "Revolution Rock" are just some of the corkers that have been etched into this brilliant record. Which is of course, your cue to go out and buy the blimmin' thing. Maybe it's the early onset and undiagnosed Parkinson's, or the childlike excitement that is me when I'm happy, but this thing gets you shaking faster than Mr T. coming at you. A

Album Review: Shania Twain - Come On Over (1997)

What do you get when you cross Shania Twain, Robert "Mutt" Lange, pop music and country music? One of the greatest albums of the 1990s and without a doubt one of the best of all time. This album was a life-saver in the ever increasing sea of musical garbage that was the late 1990s. Some very retro sounding tunes in here, but why should I complain - that's what got me hooked on the album in the first place. Granted, there's some rubbish songs on it, but fortunately they are an insignificant minority. Songs you should listen to are "When", "From this Moment On", "Man, I Feel Like A Woman!", "I'm Holding on to Love", "You're Still the One" and "Come On Over." That's right, all the one's that received radio airplay, and for good reason too. And I can't help but compare this with Def Leppard's 1987 masterpiece Hysteria for some reason. Perhaps it's because both were produced by Lange and both had half of their track listings make it onto the airwaves. My final verdict - imagine a hyperactive, sugared-up toddler clapping its hands furiously at a Wiggles stage show and you should get half the picture. A

Album Review: Bloodhound Gang - One Fierce Beer Coaster (1996)

Blatant disregard for the sanctity of human life, dignity and freedom from persecution make up the theme of this comedy CD cleverly disguised as an alternative rock album. Witty, musically sound (especially for alternative music, I might add), and with all the wrong messages espousing everything from the merits of killing yourself, the harassment of the homely, to downright idiocy, this album has everything going against it in terms of what constitutes a reputable album. But I don't really care, because I'm a drooling neanderthal. And having said that, for some reason this album has struck a chord for me in the entire 14 years that I've owned the flippin' thing. And to all my fellow music snobs and critics out there, for this I hope you will forgive me. A+

Note: Changes to review-writing

Writing music reviews for me nowadays can be a time-consuming process, even if the article is a mere 300 words long. But, after a long hiatus I am thinking about writing reviews again - however they will be somewhat shorter and less detailed, and as a rule I will be doing away with the intro paragraph that has previously accompanied my reviews. This of course will only apply to reviews I've written and not essays.

David

Creating the Ultimate Love Song - Do It Right and Forget about Love

The first ever love song I ever heard was Chris de Burgh's "The Lady in Red", way back around '86-87 or so. And despite being able to pick out several prominent flaws, what a brilliant love song it was, certainly from a musical perspective anyhow. The lyrics, I thought, were a bit too soft and mellowed out for my liking. And I must admit they still are. However, it did help open the door to a lifetime passion for the art of popular music, despite the words being a bit too lovey-dovey for a wee kid like myself. Never before had I heard a song so passionate and so serious, and that is probably what sent the shivers up my spine for all the wrong reasons. The paced, going-the-grope on your secretary tempo was forgivable, and I much prefer a fast song to a slow one, but toward the end you hear Chris whispering "I love you", which instantly invokes disturbing thoughts of a DJ from some Easy Listening radio station rambling away with a light, dulcet soft voice as he dedicates a song to a couple celebrating the husband getting it up for the first time in 37 years.

And since then I've heard all sorts of love songs from different artists spanning different genres. Bob Dylan wrote a few. So did Stevie Wonder. Bryan Adams wrote some appalling numbers, and the Bee Gees wrote some memorable tunes, even if they did sound all alike, no matter who happened to be singing them. And who could forget Barry White, bar most virgins and everyone in the third world? Dire Straits had their "Romeo and Juliet", Minnie Riperton blew out a few speakers with her glass-shattering, cacophonic ear-bleeder, "Loving You", and there was also the more acceptable, "Annie's Song" from the late John Denver.

But enough with the padding and rambling, and let's move on to a song that I genuinely believe is the greatest song that will EVER be written. Seriously. It is Bryan Ferry's "Slave to Love", and it is so good you'll marry the CD it comes on, in various ways effectively rendering the romantic intentions conveyed by the song redundant. And I bet Bryan was wearing a beret and oversized bowtie as he wrote it, because this is a masterpiece of epic proportions. This is one love song that doesn't make me shiver and go, "urgh." The Bossa Nova texturing, the very romantic aura, and the poetic precision of the lyrics all combined into one create a song that will make your eyes water as if you were sucking on a lemon. Top it off with the quietly cool Ferry's distinct vocals and you will have before you the most potent cure for depression that will ever be conceived.

When I first heard the song on the radio (possibly much, much earlier than what first comes to mind), I was blown away. You will be too if you listen to it. So here's some advice; forget about love, listen to this song and you'll be too busy basking in the aural succulence to be worrying where your next wild night will be coming from. Amongst all the praise, however, I must warn you that this song has been covered (in other words, destroyed) by other artists; my advice would be to not listen to them, as I have wisely done. Love songs just can't get any better than this.

Album Review: Johnny Cash - Johnny Cash at San Quentin (1969)

As a kid, I swore that I'd never listen to country music. Ever. To me, it was ample evidence of Satan's previous career as a choir director. Listening to the likes of Conway Twitty or Charlie Rich to me was like picking your nose with a red hot iron building rod dipped in chili sauce, a vile, and very unpleasant experience. The ultimate form of torture, if not execution. But as I got older, this position changed slightly and I began dabbling with a little bit of country music - in this case, Kevin Bloody Wilson. But the fact that it was country music was rapidly overlooked by the profanity and sexual innuendo that peppered every track. Who cared about the country/western theme when you had lyrics that sang about ungrateful Santa-worshiping kids profanely accusing poor old Pere Noel (aka St. Nick, Father Christmas, Santy Claus) of being women's genitalia, and rebuking them for not delivering the goods?

But now, as an adult (and in my case I use the term most liberally), I can now openly admit to enjoying the warblings of Grand Ole Opry's (and Nashville's, of course) finest, without being picked on and teased mercilessly. In fact, one of my three favorite artists includes the legendary Johnny Cash. But enough rambling, and let's get back on track.

In the span of two years (1968-1969), Johnny Cash released two live albums, both recorded in prisons, Folsom and San Quentin, to be exact. His respect for, and ability to sympathize with prisoners is evident on both, as is his newly found Christian faith. The latter, At San Quentin, is in my opinion, and contrary to that of most critics, is the better one of the two. The reason for this simply comes down to a better set list, with songs like "Wreck of the Old '97", "Darlin' Companion" and "Wanted Man" holding much more appeal and charisma than the slightly stale "I Still Miss Someone" the all-too-common "Folsom Prison Blues", and the downright dull "Dark as the Dungeon." Plus, it has a prettier bluish album cover, with it's predecessor being marked down for it's slightly poo-brown aura. Not that it's a bad album overall, in fact it's really a good album. Just not as good as San Quentin, which to me should rightfully be the flagship record for Johnny's discography. The moral of the story - don't dis Willie Nelson, and don't underestimate the brilliance of Johnny Cash. A-